The Poo DilemmaPost Date: 06/18/2009
What up peeps? So, how's everything? Good? Good, good. What? What's that? The title? Oh, funny you should ask. Oh, it's just in reference to something that happened the other morning, I don't really wanna talk about it. Really...I'd rather not. No, really. Wait...what's that? Is that...a tear in your eye? Okay crybaby, I'll tell you. It was four...four fifteen-ish in the morning when I heard the cries coming from Lily's room. I decided I'd better investigate because...well, I'm her dad and she's a baby...so I guess I kinda felt obligated to. What? Shelley? No, she couldn't do it. She was...well, to be quite honest she was passed out drunk. She and Allee had gotten to kickin' back shots the night before and was in no condition to attend to the baby. Speaking of kickin' back shots, I'll tell you, Allee may be only almost five but man can she hold her liquor. Watch out though, she's a mean drunk. Anway, back to my story. I went into Lily-boo's room and scooped her up. I checked her diaper and it was just wet, so I changed her into a fresh one and curled up with her on the couch with a bottle. Within a few minutes, the combination of a full belly and being in her daddy's lovin' arms was too much for her and she peacefully nodded back off. I held her there for a few more minutes to make sure she was really out. I checked the time and was pleased to discovered that I would be able to get a little more sleep before I had to get up for work. Then it happened.
She grunted and stretched and kind of shifted a little bit, getting more comfortable. Then she settled for a second. I didn't think much of it when she grunted a little louder and then I heard it. It didn't just rumble, it kind of...bubbled a little bit. It was gas, but there was definitely something behind it. It didn't sound like there was much in there (though what little there was certainly smelled like...well, I don't know what to compare it to, but that stench should not be coming out of my precious little baby girl.) So, I was conflicted. I mean, like I said, I didn't think there was a lot in there, and she was sleeping so soundly, and if I woke her up who knows how long she'd be up? So, what to do? Does Jimmy man up and do the right think? Or, does he pus-out and leave it for the next shift (i.e. my lovely wife)? You'll find out...right after this break.
Ah, whatever, you already know I changed her, and she fell right back asleep, and I smiled and Judd Nelson jumped up and hit the goal post to the sound of Simple Mind's "Don't You Forget About Me" as he walked away. And we really connected that Saturday. It seemed like for just one day we weren't just a random collection of misfits, but we were a club. The Breakfast Club. No, wait, I'm sorry, I kinda zoned out there for a minute. So it all ended up okay. I did start to make up a song about it. It's sung to the tune of The Beverly Hillbillies.
Well, here's a little story about a man named Jimmy,
Had to get out of bed to take care of Lily,
They were snuggled on the couch and chillin' with some food
When out from her butt came a bubblin' crude...poo that is. The stinky stuff.
Okay, that's as far as I got. Anyway, that's it for now. Later peeps.
Until next time: Won't you come see about me? I'll be alone, dancing you know it baby. Tell me your troubles and doubts. Giving me everything inside and out and. Love's strange so real in the dark. Think of the tender things that we were working on Slow change may pull us apart When the light gets into your heart, baby Don't You Forget About Me