twice the smartass, half the laughs
Another Weekend, and What Video
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First, let me start off by welcoming members of my wife's AP class. Welcome kids. They've stopped by to check out the pictures Shelley had me post for them (assuming they didn't stop by before I posted this blog, which they probably did, because Shelley asked me to do this on Friday and well...). To get to them ( the pictures, young people - "young people", how deliciously condescending.), click the link that says "Allee Pics". On that page you'll find another link that says "Shelley's AP students click here" or some such nonsense. Click that. Okay kids, thanks for stopping by. Now do like Mrs. Easterling told you, and go straight to the pictures. Don't read any of this content. Avert your eyes! AVERT YOUR EYES!!! Certainly don't check out my wickedly awesome Flash animations or my funny videos. There's a good group of above average (in English anyway) students. Move along...nothing to see here. Are they gone? Good. Now, about this insane sex party we went to this weekend...

...Actually, what did we do this weekend? Well, Friday night (Cinco De Mayo) we went to Chris and Roblynn's house to celebrate Chris' birthday. Mmmmmm, beer and nachos. What's that you say? You weren't invited? Well, try not to suck so much, and who knows, maybe next year. You'll never guess what Roblynn said to Chris about my blogs. (Before I continue here, I have to issue my standard "Jimmy Inaccurate Recollection Clause". You see, for those just joining us, I very (VERY) rarely recall conversations correctly. So, to spare the harassment of being told that I messed up (because we all already know I did) I like to make it known, before I quote anyone or even before I try to convey the gist of a conversation that I had, that I am in all likelihood recalling said conversation or quote inaccurately. In fact, I often just make stuff up, because I think it sounds good or it fits the theme of my blog (right, like my blogs have themes), which may or may not be the case here. I don't really know. I kinda just forgot what I was talking about (or, as my brother might say "aboot". What up with that hoser?) Wait..I remember) She said, "Wow, Jimmy sure likes to talk about himself doesn't he? I mean, it's really funny, but it sure is all about him." That's right baby. It is all about me. You'll find that even when I'm writing a story about someone else, it always comes back around to me. I just can't help myself....me, me, me, me. I mean, come on. I'm the funny right? I make it work right? I tie it all together yeah? It could be worse. Jimmy could talk about himself in third person, couldn't he? Now enough about Jimmy (as thought there is such a thing) and on to...

...Well, this is also about me. Hmmmm....maybe not really. I guess it is in-so-much as it's about what I did this weekend. But, this is really more about "Her Nakedness". Wee Gator was visited by this weekend by Shelley's parents Mimi and Pop (not their real names. Well, I guess they are their real names to Allee...but you get what I mean right?) So, as you probably already know from my last blog (what? You haven't read it yet? Man, you've got some catching up to do. Well, what are you waiting for? Go ahead; go read the last one. We'll wait. (Now a note to my loyal readers who are now being held up by those lazy ass pseudo-fans: Thanks yo. I appreciate the dedication. Really. I know it's not easy, because I go on and on about nothing at all. I'm sure THEY only want content like the taking a shit in the workplace stuff. But you...you really get it don't you. You....sniff (I told myself I wouldn't do this)...you...really get me. Thanks. I'll have to think of something special just for you (cause you know I got it - quick! Who gets that? Put your hand down Mike.) I know, maybe I can hurry up and finish, what I am now referring to as, the Project-Which-Must-Not-Be-Named. Oh, wait, here they come.) Good. Took you long enough. Hmmm? What were we talking about? Oh, nothing.) Allee has now had a chance to visit with both sets of grandparents in the last two weeks. Pretty cool huh? She thinks so. Mimi and Pop brought her this really cool stick horsy thing that makes horsy sounds when you pinch its ear. Also, she got a very prim and proper tea set, which did not come with cups. So, she has to use the little plastic cups from her Disney Princess tea set.(Can I type that? Disney? If I get a cease and desist order from Disney, it's totally going in the blog. That's just...say it with me now....so jim...ah, forget it.) It's so cute, watching her pour a cup of tea (or, as my friend Lou might say "coppatay" - Man, I'm so gonna hear about that). Shelley and I have to make sure that she tells us whether or not the tea is hot. It's very important because you don't know pain until you've burned yourself with pretend tea. Anyway, completely off the subject (shocking no?) yesterday Allee peed on the carpet. TWICE!! We had put her in her bathing suit so she could play in the sprinkler, and had taken her diaper off, and when we got her back in the house...well, you already know what happened. She thought it was hilarious. Shelley and I...not so much. Shelley remarked that it seemed as though Allee could summon urine at will, as the occurrences were pretty close together, and each seemed to contain enough volume that we thought her tiny bladder was empty. She continues to surprise and amaze us.

Well, I guess that's it for now. I guess some of you may have been thrown by the title of this and thought it actually had some information regarding the progress of (or even the premiere of) the Project-Which-Must-Not-Be-Named. Well, surprise....it doesn't. I will tell you this, at 15 minutes, and 115 MB, it needs further editing, wouldn't you agree? I mean, come one, you don't want to watch a 15 minute video of me and my friends eating crawfish do you? And 115 MB? (well, really it's like 30 MB when it's optimized, but guh.) I actually got it down to 10 minutes last night and am planning on working more on it tonight. But...isn't that what I always say? Just remember, with me...low expectations are key. If this is your first time here, please refer to my previous blogs if you're interested in what the hell I'm talking about (If you're not, that's okay too.). And to Shelley's students: Thanks for stopping by. If you've read this far, you've disobeyed my wife and I'm telling on you (I'm such a tattletale). Also, you've realized that I'm really quite boring. But, if you feel you must sign my guestbook and tell me how wicked awesome I am...I guess that'd be okay. Oh, and feel free to check the grammer and spelling of this blog for no credit.

Until next time: I can't beat your bike! Oh, you don't have to beat me Michael. You just have to try and keep up.
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