twice the smartass, half the laughs
If I Had Three Wishes
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Geetings junkies. Here's your junk for today:

I was recently asked the question "If you had three wishes, what would they be?". My incredibly smartass (shocking no?) response was that if I had three wishes, I'd only need one. That was it. No further explanation given. It was not well received, but you know me, I just laughed it off. I was thinking about it today, and what I was wondering was, if I really meant that. I mean, only a fool would give up his other two wishes right? But, if you could get it done in one, why have the other two?

With the initial question, the "no wishing for more wishes" rule was in effect. I honor that rule even though, personally, I think it's kinda retarded. I mean, come on, how can the ONLY thing you can't wish for be more wishes? It seems to me that, that rule is enforced by the wish granter, and is not necessarily a restriction on their wish granting ability. Let's say you're like a genie or something. If that was the only weakness with your power and you're stuck in a bottle for however many thousands of years waiting for some dufus to let you out, don't you think you'd dedicate a little time figuring out how to grant a wish for more wishes? What else are you gonna do? (You can only shift gears so much, you know what I'm sayin'?) Anway, back to my initial remark. I guess that I just thought that there could be one wish, that could be enough. Enough of what? Enough of what I want, I suppose. I feel that with three wishes, the probability that you'd waste one of them would pretty much be a lock. Then, you'd waste your second trying to fix the first, and before you knew it, you'd have used up all three with nothing to show for it. Nothing but some old dusty genie laughing his ass off at you. I know this. I've read the stories (Before Chuck announces very loudly that I'm illiterate, I shall amend my statement to say that I once saw a cartoon about a genie and some wishes. We all know I'm illiterate dude. Suck it.) Nothing ever goes right with the three wishes. So, I feel I'd just need the one. That way, I'd only make it when I was absolutely sure, as I'd have no others to try to fix it with. But what?

What to wish for? World peace? Food for the hungry? Cures for disease? Riches? A ninety minute orgasm? (Wait...actually, that's not too bad. Man, you'd need a nap after that. I can picture it now. My days would be filled with naps and orgasms. Awesome.) What though? My initial (Is that the third time I've used the word "initial"? Hold on....let me see, two, yep. Man, somebody buy me a thesaurus.) thought was obvious I think. The powers of a god. After all, with godlike powers, I could pretty much make whatever I want. The power to bend and shape reality to my will. But, then I thought, could I control it? Would control of the power be a part of the power itself? Or, would it require another wish? If so, do I wish for control of the power before I wish for the power? Or, do I wish for the power first? Control first right? I wouldn't want to get the power and then accidentally make everything disappear, and not be able to get it back. Then, what about the responsibility? Would I exercise the same moral judgment that my upbringing has instilled in me (Yes Chuck, we are also all aware that I have no moral judgment.)? Or, would I be some crazed vindictive god on the loose? Who knows? It all seems like a lot of trouble to me. So, I scratched that idea. Instead, I came up with this: If I could have three wishes, I would only need one. I would wish that I had never been offered any wishes in the first place. Pretty lame huh? But, is it true? Probably not (It'd probably be the ninety minute orgasms).

Until next time: Hair so smooth, black as coal, awe baby the way you sway. You wear that dress so very blue, then you chase my blues away. She come and go, that I know, awe she come at least once a day. I can't resist, I kiss your lips, you're the sexy mexican maid.

p.s. Oh, and if you haven't checked them out already, I posted a couple of new funny videos. If you're reading this on MySpace, they're on my real site. That's where you gotta go for the good stuff. Get with the program people. And if you're reading this on my real site, just click the video link to the left. Later.