twice the smartass, half the laughs
My Night Off
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So, here I sit, whiling away my afternoon hours, counting down the clicks to recess, as it were. You know, wasting company time. No, more than that, stealing from my company. I mean, they're not paying me to sit here and write this blog. But, fortunately for me, the only people who actually know what they pay me to do here aren't here today. Well, one of them is, but he's across the street. Also, he's not my boss anymore, so I am, officially, no longer his responsibility. I sit. Today's Thursday, and I'm taking tomorrow off (Kinda like today, but I'm not actually coming in.). A nice long weekend for Jimmy. How fun. And, it will be fun. Tomorrow, my buddy Gary and I are driving to Alexandria to the Easterling Family Reunion. Gary and I aren't Easterlings, but, we both married Easterlings, so, we get to go crash their family reunion. Gary is Ren's husband, and the doppelganger's dad. If you don't know who any of these people are, then you really need to get caught up with my blogs. (I mean, really, what DO you have to do otherwise? Work? Yeah right.) All the girls went up today, so Gary and I basically have the night off tonight. What do I mean by a night off? What're you retarded? That is...what I mean to say is "Why, I'd be delighted to explain what I mean." Being a loving and devoted husband and father is the most awesome and rewarding experience I've been privy to, but make no mistake about it bros, it's a job. It's a job with many perks, granted, but days off are few and far between. So, what can I do tonight to fully maximize this rare opportunity?

Well, of course the very first thing I thought of was to invite my girlfriend over. Nothing's better than some hot, dirty, morally reprehensible action right? When the cat's away and all that. Check this shit out though; she's not coming. (Not literally or figuratively.) She's got a date, or some such nonsense. Slut. Now, some smartass (I'm looking at you Chuck) will undoubtedly say something along the lines of...oh, I don't "Don't you mean your boyfriend. Ha ha. Fag." Yeah, funny stuff. He's busy too. (Man, if I find out they're blowing me off and hooking up with each other...ah fiddlesticks.) So, I guess I'll be forced to go hang out with Gary and drink beer and play video games, which are like two of the things I hate most in the world. The only way this night could get any worse would be if we get like a half gallon of chocolate almond marshmallow ice cream (my personal favorite) and split it. You can be sure I'm not gonna let any shit like that go down.

What else? This weekend should be fun. The Easterling are a big, loud, sometimes obnoxious family who like to throw down and party. They're a virtual mirror of my own family (You know, but without the disdain for me. I'm only kidding... the Easterling's disdain for me rivals my own family's.) I love to get together with them, but especially when I'm not the only one getting hammered the whole time. They're a fun group for sure, but the fact that I won't be involved with any potential drama going on, makes it even more fun (Sorry, funner. (Just a side note here - I know, how uncharacteristic - I'm trying to write this blog here, and people keep coming up to me and asking me to do stuff. "I need a picture of this truck." "I need this changed on the website." "I think you're doing a really great job here." Whah Whah Whah. Needy ass whiners. The nerve. Troy's probably laughing to himself right now (IF he's reading this, that is.) He knows no one said I was doing a great job here.) That "funner" thing... I totally stole that.) So, yeah. Should be a good time. Fun, drinks, swimming... oh, not to mention (Why do people say that right before they mention something?) that if Shelley has an unattractive cousin, I've yet to meet her. The Easterling girls are easy on the eyes, is what I'm trying to convey.

Well, wish me luck. After all, I've got a rough couple of days ahead. Don't cry for me though, I'll make it through. I'm tougher than I look. Oh, before I go, today when I was dicking around on MySpace during my lunch break, (That part's actually true. I know, as hard as it is to believe, I did actually limit my MySpace dicking around to my lunch hour.) I left a few people some awesome, wickedly hilarious comments (I may be playing them up a bit.), but they didn't go through. I didn't try again, because I figured if they went through later, I didn't want to double them up and look like a dork (More of a dork...sorry dorker.). So, if they don't show up, just know that you missed out on what may have been my absolute best comment work thus far (It totally wasn't.). That is, if I left you one. Whatever. Later junkies.

Until next time: Hangin' on. Here until I'm gone. Right where I belong, just hangin' on. Even though, watched you come and go, how was I to know you'd steal the show?