twice the smartass, half the laughs
Sleepovers and Sing Alongs
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Hey everybody. So, last Saturday night my beautiful angel Allee (Formerly "Gator" and currently "Sweet-Lee". (Cute huh? Yeah, we think so too. (And by "we" I of course mean "me" as I am the only one I defer to in such matters. (The matters of what I think are cute that is. Now, how many asides in am I? Three right? Very well, let's close those up and continue shall we?)<---There's one.)<---Two-hoo! Like the Owl in the Tootsie-Pop commercial.)<---And three. There we go. Now, where was I? Oh, wait. It was actually four.) Okay, last Saturday Sweet-Lee took part in her very first sleepover. she spent the night at her cousin Alison's house. Apparently everything went fairly smoothly as Ren (Alison's mom - ICYDK) had some sort of plan worked out to keep the girls entertained. Shelley and I were unaware of this until the last minute, but Ren watched the girls (Both Allee and Alison as well as Her baby Chloe) by herself. That is, without any help from her husband Gary. "Where was that inconsiderate bastard while she was watching the kids?" you may ask. "On the couch drinking beer and watching porn." I'd likely respond. And if you're particularly clever, or have ever read my blog before, or have ever met me for that matter, you're probably already aware that I'm lying about where he was. He was actually on call at the hospital. Ren neglected to tell us this because she knew that we would probably have called it off if we had known. And by "we" I mean Shelley because I wouldn't have had a problem with it. Now, even as I typed that last line, I could hear Shelley's voice in my head saying "Jesus Jimmy. Could you have made me out to be more of a bitch?" and the answer of course is "Yes, yes I could of." But, before I get myself in it any deeper, let me explain that Shelley's reservations about Ren looking after the girls by herself had nothing whatsoever to do with Ren's parenting skills which are, without a doubt only slightly less impressive than mine. It had everything thing to do with Shelley's love for Ren and not wanting to subject her to having to watch two insane three year olds and a baby who could potentially be very irritable as she was not feeling well. Well, Renny did it, and she did a bang up job I might add. What did Shelley and I do while Allee was out you may wonder? Well, wonder no longer bro, cause I'm about to lay it on you old school. Every sordid, lewd, dirty detail baby. Cue the porn music bro. Bowm-chica-chica-bowm-boooowwwwmmm!

We went and saw Juno. The movie, not the town in Alaska which is spelled differently. (Not what you were expecting you dirty monkeys? Well, get used to it. I'm the king of serving up disappointment. Ha ha. ALL HAIL THE KING!!) Have you seen it? It was awesome. Michael Sera is absolutely one of my favorite young actors and Ellen Page... Ellen Page, Ellen Page. What can I say? She was awesome. If you like funny, sweet (but not sickeningly) slice-of-life comedies, then please do yourself a favor and check it out. You won't be disappointed. And if you are, then don't worry. You just suck, that's all. Now, speaking of movies...

Have any of you seen An American Tail? You know, that animated movie from the eighties about that little mouse Fievel Mousekewitz who's looking for his family after losing them while immigrating to the United States? Well, if you haven't I won't ruin anything for you. (Like how when Fievel is bringing in Matt Damon's dirty cop, he gets capped coming out the elevator. That was for you Troy.) If you have seen it, you may be familiar with a song they sing on the boat to America about there being no cats in America? Cute song right? Well, Sweet-Lee thinks so. So much so that she insists that we sing it together on a near daily basis. The only problem is that we only know the refrain. Well, Kind of. The refrain is four lines, of which we know three. So, what we end up doing is singing the first two lines over and over again. "So there are no cats in America and the streets are paved with cheese." Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Fun huh? this morning we sang it continuously on our way to Ren's house. Well, nearly continuously. We had a couple of breaks because she dropped Beary White on the floor and I had to reach into the back to pick him up and hand him to her. Oh, have you met Allee's favorite stuffed bear, Beary white? He's a bear and he's white. Allee started calling him "Beary" and I added the "White". It stuck. He's a bear of few words, but when he does speak, his voice is deep and sultry and women swoon. Kinda like my voice... except deeper... and less effeminate... and without the twang. Well, I guess that's enough nonsense for now. Geez, sometimes I write blogs so long, it's almost like I'm punishing you isn't it? Well, until your next dose, later peeps.

Until next time: But there are no cats in America and the streets are paved with cheese. Oh there are no cats in America So set your mind at ease. (I just looked it up.)

Oh, wait before I go (and on a sad note) You probably already know that actor Heath Ledger died unexpectedly yesterday. I did not know the man, but I did appreciate his acting and, from what I've read, everyone has said what a wonderful person and father he was. My heart goes out to his family and friends, particularly his little girl who is probably too young to really understand what has happened, but will now have to grow up without her dad. As a father, that breaks my heart.