twice the smartass, half the laughs
Sometimes It Is A Pleasure To Be Proven Wrong
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"So, who do you think will win today?" Shelley asked. I pretended to think about it for a minute and replied (as confidently as I could), "Well, I'm no 'Football Expert' (the quotes here are to indicate my general contempt for most football experts. Yeah, I'm talking to YOU Collinsworth. (Just a note here: Wouldn't it be funny if I actually said that aside while responding to my wife? And funnier still if I said this one? "Who in the hell are you talking to?" she might ask. "Oh no one," I'd likely answer, "Just the people at home.") Anyway...) "Well, I'm no 'football expert' but I think that Dallas will win." Though she didn't ask me to elaborate, and she wasn't really interested in my reasoning for thinking the Cowboys would beat the Saints, I just couldn't stop myself from continuing. Many of you may find this very hard to believe, but sometimes I have a little trouble with knowing when to shut it. Just sometimes. It gets especially bad with football talk. So, I explained that I thought the offenses were comparable, but I thought that Dallas had a better defense, and therefore would come up with the win. (Oh, I'm sorry. Were you not interested either? Well, fortunately for you, you have an option. Stop reading. Later.) I did not take into account though, that Sean Payton is an incredible coach who gets the most out of his players and has his fairly mediocre defense, composed of no-names and cast-offs from other teams, playing at a level that is very much above their apparent ability. That, and he apparently has Bill Parcell's number. Both of which made for a delightfully, wonderfully inaccurate prediction from me on the outcome of that game AND has me dreaming of a Saints-Chargers Superbowl. "Not gonna happen!" you say? "Shut up Costas! You too Chris Carter!" I'd probably retort. Just like the Saints wouldn't beat the Cowboys, right?

In other news, Shelley and I have finally said "SCREW YOU!!" to the bane of my television watching existence (Charter cable) and are rolling the dice on Direct TV. "Why the switch?" you may be wondering. "I find it incredibly strange that you're interested, but okay, here's why..." could be a possible response. My TIVO basically kicked the bucket. It keeps overheating and shutting itself down. It's past the warranty and so replacing it is really our only option. (What has that got to do with switching my cable service? Patience grasshopper.) Until this happened (Which was last Monday... no, not JUST last Monday, but the Monday that aired the final Heroes until January) I guess I didn't really realize how dependent on TIVO I had become. It's not just the skipping of commercials, or being able to watch the really funny parts of stuff over and over (For some reason, in my head, I hear Chuck's voice saying, "You know you REALLY just replay the late night soft core partial nudity sex scenes of off Skinemax while you're shifting gears." And then for some reason, I hear Doug's voice laughing and saying "What do you mean Chuck? You know Jimmy would never last long enough to have to rewind a scene." Though it's really just my imagination, may I juat say "Touché my brothers. Touché.") The biggest problem with no TIVO is that most of the stuff that I like to watch comes on while I'm sitting in Allee's room letting her hold my hand while she falls asleep (Digging her tiny nails into my fingers causing me grevious injury is really more like it, but that's another topic for another time). So, I usually watch all of my programs TIVO'd. Now, my TIVO is basically dead. Also, I hate Charter cable. It's not just that we had sporadic cable service for I don't know how many months after that damn storm blew through last year, or that every channel below 70 is fuzzy, or that they claim not to offer InDemand programming or Pay-Per-View in my area even though my friend who lived four houses down from me had both services, no it's... well, I guess it's all those things. So, no TIVO plus shitty cable service equals "Hello Direct TV (Direct TV has a DVR service that's actually cheaper than TIVO's)." (See how it all comes around?) Who knows, maybe Direct TV will suck ass, but even if it does, I can be comfortable with the fact that I at least tried to make our TV viewing situation better. Yeah, I could, but I probably won't. I'll probably be super pissed, but at least I'll know (Even though that's pretty shitty consolation.) So, wish me luck friends. Happy viewing to all, and to later.

Until next time: "Prison Mike, what was the very very worst thing about prison?" "THE WORST THING ABOUT PRISON WAS THE...WAS THE DEMENTORS. They were flyin' all over the place, and they were scary and they'd come down and they'd suck the soul outta ya body! AND IT HOITS!!"