twice the smartass, half the laughs
Sunburn Gave Me Dandruff
Post Date: 05/12/2006

Greetings and salutations (in your head, you need to hear that like Christian Slater from "Heathers". I do a wicked Christian Slater. Here, listen to this "Why's everybody say that I'm trying to sound like Jack Nicholson? That's ridiculous. I mean, this is the way I talk." Well, what do ya think? Pretty good huh?). I hope this blog post finds you well, and if it doesn't, I hope you don't tell me about it. So, last week, my boss and I had to go out to the LSU firefighter training facility so that we could shoot some pictures and video footage of our new industrial pumper being UL tested. The UL testing rates the flow capacity of the pump. The industrial pumper is really quite cool (for a fire truck, ya know?). It's got this huge turret up on top that shoots a huge stream of water or foam, like 60 or 70 yards. I may be exaggerating, I don't know exactly how far it shoots, but it shoots really far. Anyway, because this is a new type of truck to build for us, we require extensive photos and video footage for promotional purposes. So, it was because of this that I found myself out at the facility with no cover to speak of, hatless, wearing no sunscreen on a blistering, cloudless ninety something degree day. In my defense (of going out there unprotected), I was under the impression that we were going to go out there, shoot what we needed and get back to the office before lunch (that, and I'm an idiot). We left the office around 8:30 am, and I figured we be back around 10:30 am or so. "It'll be fine." I thought to myself, "Even I can take a little morning sun." (For those who don't know me, to say that I don't tan is an understatement. When my shirt comes off, people have to put their sunglasses on due to the glare. Ya dig?) No problem right? Five hours. We were out there for five hours. That's not morning sun people, that's morning, noon, and afternoon sun. So, I got burned. I got burned in the absolute best place you can get burned, my head. (Wait, I guess the absolute best place you can get sunburned is the taint. You know, with all the rubbing and chaffing there. But, it's kinda hard to get sunburned there on accident. Well...I guess if maybe you're a porn star.) Now, let me be clear about this, when I say my head, I mean from like my forehead up (which by the way, I discovered, I never really knew how much forehead I had, until it was all red and stinging.) I got it a little on my nose, but mostly it was my gargantuan forehead and the top and back of my head. When I got back to work at almost 3:00 pm, I was tired, sweaty, dirty, disgusting and in a considerable amount of discomfort. I had that awesome layer of filth you get on yourself when you sweat early in the day, then get back into some air conditioning and it all dries up. Stuck, finishing out the rest of my day dirty and uncomfortable, I knew I could count on my coworkers for some sympathy. They did not disappoint. The number one thing said to me upon my return: "Why didn't you wear a hat?" followed very closely by this heartfelt nugget "Looks like you got some sun." Did it? Really? I hadn't noticed. So now my sunburn is healed up, and I tried my best to keep it from peeling, but I guess my constant lubing of my face and scalp was just too little too late. Now I'm like some kind of freaky deeky molting lizard man. And...guess what. That's right. I've got dandruff too. (I'm just assuming you guessed. I mean, come on, read the title.) Like, hard core. Think Ally Sheedy's winterland drawing on the desk in "Breakfast Club". It's totally awesome. I think I'll really miss it when it's gone.

In other news, does anyone remember me writing about this super secret surprise thing that I ended up referring to as the "Project Which Must Not Be Named" after I had already told everybody what it was? Ring any bells? Hello? Is this thing on? Anyway, for those of you who are not totally dedicated to my blog and don't hang on my every word, and don't pine for it when I go a long time between writing them, and don't remember every little thing I write about (like, what's your problem?), weeks ago I mentioned that I had a super secret surprise coming. It was a video that I did documenting us (Shelley, Gator and myself (um... I guess if I'm writing this part for those of you who aren't regular readers or who don't know me, I should mention that Shelley is my wife and Gator is my nickname for my daughter Allee)) going to a crawfish boil. Well, in a move that is so jimmy, I promised everyone it would be ready soon, and then proceeded not to do anything with it. Well...now...I'D LIKE TO ANNOUNCE THAT....I've decided not to finish it at all. YAAAAAAY!!! No, I'm kidding. It's done. Actually, I posted it today in the video section of my site (my real one for those reading this on MySpace. Just click here to get to it. To those reading this on my real site, you don't need to click that link as...you're already here.) Just a couple of things about it (I know, making excuses already.): The file size is kind of big. It loads pretty quickly when I access it here at work, but depending on what kind of internet service you have, it might take a minute. Also, it's like eight minutes long. Don't let that scare you off though, just save it until you have the time to dedicate to it. I think you'll find it's almost worth the effort. What else? Oh, the file I posted today actually has a minor audio issue. It seems, for some reason, that for the first couple of minutes, the audio only comes out of the left channel. I'll fix that this evening, but I wanted to get it posted so people can start watching it so, hopefully, I can start getting some feedback on it. I'm eager to hear what you think about it (unless of course you hate it...then, I'm not so eager). So, run with it fans and let me know what you think. I hope you enjoy it.

One last thing before I split. A favor really. You don't have to do much. I'm curious, you see, just who's reading this thing. I mean, not so much the people who I already know read it (Chuck, I mean you.) but those of you who read it on occasion, or may have just happened by it today. So my favor is, if you're reading this, could you leave a comment (on MySpace) or sign my guestbook (on my real site) and let me know you read it? I sure would appreciate it. If you want to wait until after you watch the video, so you can mention what you thought of it, that's totally cool too. Like I said, I'm really just curious. So, thanks in advance.

Until next time: This man climbs another step and wonders if his life is worth the living, he hasn't done much of. Denying any notion that emotion may be token for nostalgia, a gesture all the same. He's got his private wars just like a million other wars, to keep you and I from getting where we both belong....both belong.
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