twice the smartass, half the laughs
The Four Blogs of Christmas Part 1
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So, there I was. Precariously perched atop an eight foot folding ladder with one arm clinging to a very thin branch (that I knew for a fact wouldn't hold me) and my other hand stretched out as far as it could go, desperately trying to grab hold of my idiot cat who was just out of reach...but wait, I'm getting ahead of myself. Let me start over:

Hey everybody. What's up? Uh huh. You don't say!! So, have you gotten all your holiday shopping done yet? I have, though in my house, we call it Christmas shopping. What can I say? It's just the way I was raised. Fortunately for me, I only had to shop for Shelley and she shopped for everyone else. We make a great team (so long as she's doing all the work and I just sit back and intercept all the accolades.) Ah, Christmas... The Most Wonderful Time of the Year!! No, not exactly, but it can be cool if you do it right. (For example, getting your wife to do all of the present shopping.) Sure, the holiday season can be stressful and depressing and, of course, disappointing, but there are a couple of things I look forward to. The first, and foremost of course, is the opportunity to witness the wonder and excitement of Allee's Christmas, as she is now old enough to grasp the concept. The second thing is that my work anniversary is on December 20, so, before that date I have to use my remaining vacation time, or I lose it. It would have been better if they had waited another week for me to start, cause that would've made my start date the 27th, which would have worked better for distributing my remaining days around Christmas, but oh well, what can you do? This year, the 20th fell on a Wednesday (yesterday actually) so, since I had two and a half days left, I thought it'd be a good idea to take a half day on Friday, and then take Monday and Tuesday off which, coincidentally, I did. and you know what? It was a good idea.

This past weekend, we went to Alexandria to celebrate my father-in-law's 60th birthday. "Was it fun?" you may ask. "Oh, I don't know. Does not having to do anything but gorge yourself on delicious food and various kinds of beer bought with you in mind, and play with your daughter and nephews sound like fun to you?" would likely be my smart-ass answer. No, wait...I'm sorry, I DID have to do something this weekend. I almost forgot, Saturday evening before the shindig, I was forced to go over to my in laws neighbor's house and drink their beer while I grilled up some sausage. Sure... I felt put out, but what can I say? I'm a giver. Yeah, there was only really one sub par moment this weekend, and that was my Sunday morning hangover puke fest. I know it was, like, totally my fault, but in my defense, I did try to avoid a hangover. I drank a glass or two of water and took some aspirin before I went to bed. I guess it takes a little more than that... when you've been drinking for twelve hours. Who knew? At one point, my father-in-law actually said to me (insert standard Jimmy inaccuracy disclaimer here), "I don't know how you can still be standing up." I'm not really sure how to take that, but since I'm not gonna ask him how he meant it, I'm gonna choose to take it as a compliment. He said that around 5:00 pm... the party started at 7:00 pm, and, but for forgetting what I was talking about a couple of times (which I also do when sober), I feel I handled myself pretty well. Oh sure, I drink... a lot, and I can handle a lot i guess, and even when I get really drunk, I don't usually get too sloppy... however I DO, almost always pay the price. For sure. Which actually leads me to...

That's it for this one. Be sure to tune in for next installment to find out what I'm lead to.

Until next time: Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house. Not a creature was stirring... not even a mouse.