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The Four Blogs of Christmas Part 3
Post Date:

The hard plastic sides of the ladder were cutting into my legs as I desperately tried to hold myself steady. A couple of my neighbors had come over to see what was going on. Heather had graciously offered to hold the ladder steady, which had alleviated my concerns that it would fall over. My not falling off of it, on the other hand, was another matter. My hands stunk of tuna as I had spilled the juice from the can that I had placed into the laundry basket that I was now holding as high as I could over my head trying to entice that damn cat to come down. It seemed like a pretty good idea, giving him something to jump into as well as a reason to jump into it, but I just knew that if this worked, and he jumped into this basket, we'd both be coming down... pretty damn quick. But wait...that's not where I was...

Monday looked to be a pretty good day. I'd taken the day off work and the Direct TV guy was supposed to be coming for our installation. Hey, remember how excited I was (a couple of blog posts back) about getting Direct TV? No? Don't you read my blogs? No? Then what are you doing reading this one asshole. Ha ha. Burn. I, like, totally stuck it to you. Anyway, if you were unaware, I was pretty excited about getting Direct TV. I have long hated the crappy digital cable service that Charter Communications provides. It may just be me, but I feel as though if you are paying around $80 a month for digital cable service that none of your channels (even the analogue ones) should be grainy, but guess what? Did you guess ours are? Congrats. I'll see about getting you a Christmas cookie. Also, shouldn't basic digital cable services (like On-Demand programming and Pay-Per-View movies (Seriously people. We can't even get Pay-Per-View movies. We can't even get a service that, by it's nature, would require us to give them more money for using it. Awesome, yeah?)) be available to all digital cable subscribers. especially since my friend, who used to live four houses down from me and had the same digital cable package as mine, got those services. I was told those services weren't available in my are...which... apparently... is my house. Also, I really enjoy my TIVO service, but the Direct TV DVR service is only half as much. So, Shelley and I decided to go with Direct TV and imagine my delight when I saw that the guy had called while I was dropping Gator (um...ahem...I'm sorry. I mean Allee. I only say that because Allee has requested that I no longer call her Gator. Mine shall be a slow, painful healing process, you can be sure. I am hopeful, however, that in time, she shall come to realize that I only gave her that nickname because I love her so very, very much and that I personally, thought it was kind of clever. Oh well. even if she won't let me call her that, she shall always be my little Allee Gay-tor. Wait a minute. what am I worried about? She can't even read yet. And even if she could, there's no way in hell Shelley and I would let her read my blog. So, in my blog, I WILL continue to call her Gator. HA HA!! Victory!! Besides, I don't even know if she still feels that way. It was a couple of days ago that she told me that, and that's a long time when you're two and a half. Wait a minute... am I still in an aside? Dear lord.) What was I talking about? Oh, right, the Direct TV guy had called when I was dropping Gator off at daycare. I called him back immediately, and he said he'd be right over. As I disconnected my cable box and TIVO, I sang this little song to myself "OOOOOOOHHHHH! I'M GETTING DIRECT TV, YAY!! AND I'M GETTING IT TODAY, HOORAY!! AND I DON'T HAVE TO GO TO WORK!! (you don't say!) AND I'M GONNA WATCH TV ALL DAY!!" As you might be able to tell, I was very excited about getting Direct TV.

Except that I didn't get Direct TV. No, it seems that, due to the abundance of really tall trees around my house, there's no "Clear line of sight" (Get it now?) from my house to the Direct TV satellite. The guy walked all around my house, and looked through his little thingy. He climbed up on a ladder and looked through his little thingy. He, however would not go up on the roof to look through his little thingy. In the end, he determined that he was not qualified to make a decision on whether or not there was a good place to put the dish, but he couldn't see a clear line of site. Oh well. At least I didn't get my hopes up huh? He did call it in, and they're supposedly sending out someone more qualified to determine if there's any place they can put it. I will not, however, be singing any Direct TV songs again, until we know for sure. Now, about my cat...

Coming up: The exciting conclusion of The Four Blogs of Christmas!!

Until next time: The children were nestled, all snug in their beds... while visions of sugarplums danced in their heads.