twice the smartass, half the laughs
Yo Ho Ho, and a Bowl of Ice Cream
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Editor's note: Because "some people" have difficulty understanding how pirate's write (hey Katie. Ha ha, she doesn't even read these.), I have taken the liberty to provide an audio version of this blog. Just click here for the version with the audio. Anyway, hope you enjoy.

Oh, hi. I'm Jimmy Gay. You may know as that wicked awesome dude who writes those funny blogs, or, for the ladies, as that sexy dude who finds his way into your dreams at night. I'm doing something a little diffirent with this blog. Something I hope you enjoy, but you probably won't. Recently, my myspace page has been taken over by the Pirate King. He's a scurvy old sea dog, but he's nice enough when you get to know him. He even taught me how to make ice cream. So, I asked him to guest write this blog for me. He didn't know what to write about, so I suggested he write about making ice cream, since he had just taught me how. So, without further ado, may I present: the Pirate King.

Tank ye Jim. Tank ye. Ya be a right fine lad, boyo. Avast maties. Tis a right fine ice cream we be makin' taday. Right fine indeed. So says i. Argh. Farst of all, ta starrt, you want te be makin' shar yar cylindar bowl be frozen solid. Then you want ta be gatharin' yar ingredients. Ya be needin' one cup of milk. Nothin' less than two parcent, as ya want yar ice cream ta be right creamy. So says i. Argh. Next ye be needin' one half cup of sugarrr, two right fine fresh eggs, two cups of thar heavy cream, and jost two small tayspoons of vanillarrr extract.

Now dat ya be havin' yar ingredients togetharr, ye be needin a small sauce pan. Ya be wantin' ta warrm up yar milk init. While yar milk be warmin', ye be wantin' ta whisk yar eggs with yar sugarrr inna separrate bowl. Add yar warm milk to yar egg and sugarr mixtarre slowly. Varry slowly far shar. We be callin' this temparrin'. Ya be wantin' ta temparr yar eggs so's they don't be gettin' cooked in yar milk. Nothin' be ruinin a right fine bowl of ice cream, like findin' a bit o' scrambled eggs init. So says I. Argh. While ye be addin' yar milk to yar egg mixtarre, ya be wantin' te whisk briskly. Once ya've added all yar milk, ya be wantin' ta par yar mixtarre back in yar pan. Ya be wantin' ta heat slowly, and be makin' shar ya continue ta starrr. When it tickens up, and it looks like a running pudding, remove it from yar heat. Ya be wantin' ta make shar ya don't be boilin' it, as that will ruin it far shar. So says I. Argh. Once yar mix gets ta room temperatarre, ya den be wantin ta add yar cream and yar vanillar and chill yar mix. When yar mix be right fine chilled, yar be wantin' ta par in inta yar cylindar bowl, makin' shar it be on. Argh. It be usually takin' between tirty and farty five minutes, far yar ice cream ta feeze. What yar left with is a right fine ceamy vanillar ice cream, that you'd run through yar best mate far. If ya be likin' the toppin's, ya can add them to yar harrt's content. Far me, I like to add about a gallon o' rum. Dat be hittin' da spot far shar. So says I. Argh.

In conclusion, if yar be wantin' right fine ice cream, ya can't go wrong harrr. But, if ye be not the type ta make yar own, the ya can feel free ta plundarr some instead. That be true. That be true far shar. so says I. Argh. I'd like te tank me boyo Jim. He be right fine lad, a right fine lad far shar.

Until next time me maties: For I am a Pirate King! And it is, it is a glorious thing. To be a Pirate King!